Episode 13: Goes Broadway!
by Raccoons and Pandas
Summary: two scenes from episode 13: Flame vs. Fullmetal where the cast breaks into showtunes. U know u wanna read it. Bradley does a jig...
1. It a dog!

**Disclaimer: don't own FMA or Oklahoma (be it musical or state) I did perform in it but that was a loooong time ago. I'm skipping the prelude to the song talking about tomaters and stuff. **

**Here it is:**

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Lt. Hawkeye looked at the small fluffy puppy and raised her eyebrow. She was honestly at a lost as to what to say. Breda was cowering on a filing unit and Fury was looking at his superior officer with a hopeful look. Riza crossed her arms and said, "Care to explain this one, Falman?"

A musical scale sounded and Falman began bobbing up and down. At length he began to sing, "Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's a dog, Leiutentant." He ran his pointer finger over the brim of his cowboy hat that seemed to materialized on his head, "A carnivorous mammal, yes he is! It's a Dog ! With floppy ears, a small wet nose and a cute little waggily tail! Iiiiiiiit's a Dog, Lieutenant and he need a nice little home to live so he kin sit alone and talk or watch a hawk making lazy circles in the sky!"

"That's not what I'm asking, you need to loosen up." Hawkeye said over the music. Fury then stood on the desk and hugged the pup as Ed and Al walked in and cast Riza a curious look. "I found him out in the cold!" He sang in a high tenor voice, "I couldn't just leave him there. But then I said shit! I still live in the doooorms! So I said I must find a home for this puppy, Black Hayate. Ok."

The scale sounded again and soon Ed, Al, Fury, Falman and Havoc stood on the table, dressed as cowboys as Breda still cowered on the filing unit. "Iiiiiiiiiiiit's a dog, Lieutenant. A carnivorous mammal, yes he is! It's a dog! With floppy ears, a small wet nose and a cute little waggily tail! Iiiiiiiit's a dog Lieutenant, and he needs a nice little home so he kin sit alone and talk or watch a hawk making lazy circles in the sky!

Fury found him out in the cold! And he couldn't just leave him there. But then he said shit! He still lives in the doooorms! So he said 'he must find a home for this puppy', Black Hayate. Ok." The crouched low and began to dance toward Riza singing, "It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie. It's a doggie."

Fury ran out of the line and jumped on the cabinet where Breda cowered. The bespectacled soldier held Black Hayate out and spun in a circle as Breda cried.

"I found him out in the cold!" He sang in a high tenor voice, "I couldn't just leave him out there."

Fury joined the others center desk and they sang in unison, "But then he said shit! 'I still live in the doooorms!' So he said 'I must find a home for this puppy', Black Hayate. O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A. OKLAHOOOOOOOMA!"

"Meow!!" the kitten hidden Al's armor mewed. Ed gave his brother a look to kill while the others cast quizzical looks.

"Strange." Riza mused.

"Excuse me sir, I gotto talk to my brother about something." Ed said through gritted teeth and jumping off of the desk, he drug Al out of the room.

"Edward, I believe you have a report to make." Hawkeye called her reminder.

Ed poked his head in the room and saluted. "Thanks for the reminder, sir." He replied, "I'll get right on it."

Riza nodded and turned back to see her comrades, all dressed in cowboy garb. Sighing she put a hand to her temples. "I'm sorry I asked."

End


	2. Flame and Fullmetal should be friends

**A/N: same episode…new song after the Flame fights Fullmetal **

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Ed thrust his blade at the Colonel's face in the split second that he paused. Both had each other on the ropes. Ed panted wondering why Roy wasn't finishing him off. In the silence the sound of someone clapping sounded and the Fuhrer stepped forward.

"Good job. A good fight fought by two skilled alchemists." Bradley commended with a smile.

"Don't stop us now!" Ed hissed dangerously.

"I have to." Bradley replied and then half sang half spoke, "The Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. Oh, the Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. One man likes to put off work, The other thinks that Roy's a jerk, But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.  
Military folks should stick together, Military folks should all be pals. Mustang dance with Fullmetal's brother, Edward dance with Mustang's gal. " Bradley gave the two alchemists a look to kill and Roy began to dosido with all as Ed spun Riza in a two step.

Bradley gave his troops a stern look and they all began to sing, "Military folks should stick together, Military folks should all be pals. Mustang dance with Fullmetal's brother, Edward dance with Mustang's gal."  
Riza escaped Ed's two step and sang, "I'd like to say a word for the colonel,"  
"Well, say it!" Ed demanded with his hands on his hips.  
"He come out East and made a lot of changes." Hawkeye continued. Fury nodded and yelled, "That's right!"  
"He come out East and built a lot of fences," Ed grumped, "And built 'em right across our cattle ranges."  
"Why don't you pigmies stay in Resembool where you belong?" A soldier yelled at Ed.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BEAN?!!!" Ed screeched waving his arms madly.

Hawkeye went back to center stage and continued singing doggedly. "The Colonel is a good and thrifty citizen. No matter what Fullmetal says or thinks. You seldom see 'im drinkin' in a bar room."   
"Unless somebody else's buyin' drinks!" Maes cut in elbowing Roy.  
"Oh! The Flame and Fullmetal should be friends." Bradley sang while doing a jig, "Oh, the Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. One man cooks an egg with ease, the other hates milk and cheese, But that's no reason why they cain't be friends.  
Military folks should stick together, Military folks should all be pals. Mustang dance with Fullmetal's brother, Edward dance with Mustang's gal. "

The troops began to dosido while echoing, "Military folks should stick together, Military folks should all be pals. Mustang dance with Fullmetal's brother, Edward dance with Mustang's gal. "

Al bounced in center stage and sang, "I'd to say a word for m'brother."  
Breda spat and interjected, "Oh, you would!"  
"The road he treads is difficult and stoney," Al continued, He reads fer days on end with just an index fer a friend."  
"Look here's a picture of my little girl!" Hughes interrupted shoving a picture of Elysia in Al's face.

Riza stood up again and continued lobbying for Roy.  
"Edward should be sociable with the Colonel. If he rides by an' ask fer food an' water. Don't treat 'im like a louse! Make 'im welcome in your house."   
"But be sure that you lock up your girl and…mother?" Havoc piped up.

"Hahaha!" Roy laughed manically as the piano played a filler tune, "I got more versus than you, shimpmetal alchemist!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT BUGS CAN KICK HIS BUTT IN BASKETBALL?!" Ed yelled.

"Well it ain't your trashcan brother." Havoc cut in.

"Hey! I resent that." Al cried affronted.  
Maes ran up to the group of people. "Hey, don't fight!" He chided, "Look at these pictures of my daughter instead! Look, here she is playing princess! And here is her little tea party."

"You know," Falman spoke up for the first time since the song started, "I've had just about enough of you, Hughes."

The men began to fight and throw punches as Riza shook her head and the Fuhrer continued doing his jig. As the fight escalated, a group of soldiers, not involved in the fight sang, "The Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. Oh, the Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. One man likes to-"

They got cut off by a shot fired in the air and everything stopped, the fight, the song and music-even Bradley's dancing. All eyes were on an annoyed Lt. Hawkeye who still had her arm in the air.  
"Ain't nobody gonna slug out anythin'." She said angrily, still holding a cocked gun, "This here is a party! Break it up ya' two ol' fools. Alright Bradley, sing it!" She held the gun to the Fuhrer and oddly enough his body guards didn't move an inch, nor did he. Riza prompted him by singing the pitch. "Dum-dah-dee-um-dum-dum!"  
"The Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. Oh, the Flame and Fullmetal should be friends. " Bradley sang and eventually everybody joined in, "One man likes to put off work, The other thinks that Roy's a jerk, But that's no reason why they cain't be friends. Military folks should stick together, Military folks should all be pals. Mustang dance with Fullmetal's brother, Edward dance with Mustang's gal."

Al jumped on the platform and sang enthusiastically, "And when this territory is a state An' joins the Union jus' like all the others The farmer, and cowman and the merchant Mus' all behave theirselves and act like brothers."  
Everyone nodded and the piano began playing a slower tune. Riza stood next to Al to sing, "I'd like to teach you all a little sayin'. And learn the words by heart the way you should: I don't say I'm no better than anybody else," Everybody leaned closer to her, waiting for her to finish. "But I'll be damned if I ain't jist as good!"

The piano began playing the refrain again and everybody yelped and hollered before singing, "I don't say I'm no better than anybody else, But I'll be damned if I ain't jist as good!  
Military folks should stick together, Military folks should all be pals.  
Mustang dance with Fullmetal's brother," The ensamble slowed down the tempo and finished loudly, "Edward dance with Mustang's gaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!"

Bradley smiled and nodded as everybody began to mill around since the song had ended. "Where do you two think you're going?" he asked of Roy and Ed as he handed them shovels, "You need to clean this mess up."

The Colonel and Ed sweatdropped, looking at the mess they had produced from the previous fight. Havoc walked pass them, stopped, took out his cigarette and gave them only one word of comfort. "Wa-wa-wa-waaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he sang mimicking a trombone.

Ed sighed. "Oh shit."

End


End file.
